Enneagram 4 in Love- What to Expect in a Relationship


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Enneagram type 4 is known as the independent in the enneagram of personality. This makes sense as their basic desire is to be independent and unique. They want to live and be different from everyone else. You can expect enneagram 4 to be deliberate about their fashion and music. So what can you expect from an enneagram 4 in love?

In this article, we are going to give you a complete guide on how enneagram 4 behaves when they are in love and the dating struggles you are bound to face.

How Does The Enneagram 4 Show That They Love You?

Wondering if you enneagram 4 is in love with you? Here are some of the noteworthy signs you should look out for.

1.      They Allow Themselves to Depend on you

Enneagram 4s are the independent or individualistic type in the enneagram. Thus, they really value their independence. So, if a type 4 starts to depend on you more and more, that’s a big sign of trust.

It means your type 4 trusts you that you won’t let them down. It’s also a big sign that this type 4 is in love with you. An enneagram 4 in love will be vulnerable with their partners.

2.      They Are More Expressive

Unlike other types that are less expressive when they are in love, type 4 lives for those expressive words. They are going to express themselves in their own unique way.

This might be through a poem or a song. It can be through anything peculiar to type 4s. So, if your type 4 is constantly being so expressive about their feelings, then they definitely like you a lot.

3.      An Enneagram 4 in Love Will Want to Be Connected To You

Enneagram 4 feeds off on interactions with people. When the conversations are deep and meaningful, type 4s feel connected with people.

If they adore you, they will look for such a connection. They will discuss various issues with you and take note of your opinions. Unlike enneagram types who like more logical conversations, type 4s are different.

Regardless of the type of conversation, they really just want it to be meaningful and genuine.

4.      Very Sensitive to Their Partner’s Needs

Type 4s are very sensitive to their partner’s needs. Once they find that connection with their partners, they can sense how their partners feel most of the time.

They want to help and be supportive. This also applies to when you are just getting to know each other. The more connected a type 4 is to you, the more support you are likely to get from them.

5.      They Value Your Opinions

Type 4s are very independent and unique people. However, an enneagram 4 in love will value the opinions of those they love. This includes their partner or love interest.

If you feel that your opinions play a role in their decision-making, that’s a big sign.

Struggles to Expect When Dating an Enneagram 4

Dating type 4s can be an amazing experience. However, you are going to face some struggles. Here are the most common ones.

1.      The Need to Be Unique

Type 4s are constantly trying to be different in how they approach things. This also extends to their relationships.

They want a relationship that is unique and just keeps getting better. They simply do not want to settle for less. This can be a problem if their partner is really comfortable with the present state of their relationship.

This can cause a strain in the relationship if both partners do not relent or compromise.

2.      Type 4s Are Really Stubborn

Type 4s can be really stubborn. This is especially evident when their deep values are being discussed. They find it hard to discuss and reach compromises on things they believe to be true. This eventually leads to issues in the relationship.

I have personally seen type 4s end relationships because of something they felt their partner ought to believe in. if you are in a relationship with a type 4, you should make sure you discuss these issues as soon as possible.

3.      They Want Expressive Partners

Type 4s are mostly introverts. So, while they are expressive with their thoughts and emotions, they also want their partners to do the same.

In most cases, they prefer extroverted partners as these partners can express themselves in a very clear manner. If their partners cannot do this, type 4s might start feeling disconnected in the relationship.

If you are in a relationship with a type 4, try to initiate conversations and be a little more expressive. Putting that load on type 4s will kill the relationship slowly.

4.      They Can’t Handle Criticism

Type 4s don’t like criticism. Thus, when they are criticized or given constructive feedback, they struggle to accept it. If they do, type 4s might become sad or depressed. Self-pity soon follows and things just get ugly.

If you are dating a type 4, try not to criticize their actions. Instead, make suggestions that can improve on some of their decisions.

Also, try not to tell them they are sensitive people. This is still some form of criticism or invalidation of how they truly feel.

They’ll really appreciate the gesture.

How to Make Enneagram 4 Feel Loved

·         Quality Time and Physical Touch

Quality time and physical touch are usually among the top 3 love languages of type 4s.

So, give them enough quality time. Have meaningful conversations with them and find out what makes them tick.

Quality time is one of the ways you show type 4s that you really value their company. Physical intimacy is also important to an enneagram 4 in love.

Intimacy is one of the ways they feel connected to their partners. For some type 4s, this remains the highest level of communication.

·         Affirm their Values When You Can

If you are dating type 4s, try to affirm their values when you can. They can really have strong values that influence their choices.

Upsetting those values repeatedly can leave them feeling that you really are not compatible with them.

·         Give Them Space

Type 4s are introverts at heart. This means that their alone time is very precious to them. Giving them time to recharge is very important.

Type 4s want that time to themselves. So, if you give it to them in a relationship, they will love you even more.

·         Be Expressive

Type 4s want a partner that is expressive and able to start conversations. So, be that partner. Try to tell them how you are feeling and start wonderful conversations.

Your love will definitely go from strength to strength.

How an Enneagram 4 Can Do Better in their Relationship

If you are an enneagram 4, then there are some things you can do to improve your relationship.

1.      Be Less Sensitive

Be less sensitive to comments made by your partner. They are usually your biggest fan and want to see you succeed. Taking some of their comments and advice seriously can really change your life.

2.      Compromise

A relationship only works when people compromise and agree to work together. Thus, being unnecessarily stubborn is not going to help your relationship.

Try to see your partner’s point and look for ways that you can make changes in your life.

3.      Being Unique is not everything

We know that your main desire is to be different from everyone else. However, being unique and different from others is not everything.

Sometimes, being loved supersedes that need. Remember that when handling your relationship.

Overall, an enneagram 4 in love is going to give their partner the best adventures of their lives. It’s definitely a beautiful experience.


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