ESTP and INFJ Relationships- Do Opposites Really Attract?


ESTP and INFJ relationships are as opposite as it gets. Their abbreviations have no similarity. Their cognitive functions are exactly the same but upside down. So, what happens when the ESTP and INFJ find themselves in a relationship? Is there a chance of it working out?

In this article, we’ll talk all about the attraction between the ESTP and INFJ, their strengths and weaknesses, and how they can make it work.

Why ESTP and INFJ Might Initially Be Attracted to Each Other

ESTPs and INFJs are attracted to each other for different reasons. Let’s start with the ESTP.

Why the ESTP will be Attracted to the INFJ

1.    Quiet and Calm Nature

An INFJ is an extroverted introvert. ESTPs are extroverts and super ones. Thus, ESTPs will admire the INFJ’s ability to control their social environment well while remaining withdrawn.

This is different from the ESTP who is very action-oriented. The difference in how they approach the world might leave the ESTP intrigued.

2.    Their Listening Nature

INFJs have the extroverted feeling (Fe) as their secondary function. Thus, they are very aware of the tones, feelings, and actions of others. They are fascinated by humans and are always ready to listen.

ESTPs are usually going off on a rant. They will find INFJ’s willingness to listen comforting and even loving. This is probably more evident if the ESTP has quality time or words of affirmation as their primary love language.

3.    The Most Rational Feeler

INFJs are nicknamed the most rational feeler. This is especially evident in INFJ 5w4 or INFJ 5w6. ESTPs are as logical as it gets. So, they get some relief when they see a feeler who is more balanced.

They see this as an opportunity to learn more about emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

4.    Familiar Traits

While these types have different set up of cognitive functions, they are still the same. So, the ESTP will see similar traits in the INFJ and will be drawn to them.

However, it will be a bit mysterious as the order of preference for these traits will be off. ESTPs will want to investigate further. The same applies to INFJs.

Why the INFJ will be Attracted to the ESTP

1.    Confident and Brave

ESTPs are usually exceptionally brave. INFJs are a bit withdrawn. So, they will find it appealing that someone has the energy to put themselves out there. They might also find the assertive behavior of ESTPs refreshing.

However, when they are knee-deep into a relationship, this appeal might turn to frustration.

2.    Their Bluntness

INFJs are usually tactical and empathetic. This usually means that they are forced to water down their strong opinions in some situations. So, seeing the ESTP’s bluntness on full display can make them feel blown away.

They’ll love the burst of energy of the ESTP and their ability to just say their minds. To them, it’s an incredible gift.

3.    Entrepreneurial Spirit

ESTPs are usually very entrepreneurial. They know how to bring their businesses to life. They also have an incredible work ethic and a lot of big ideas. Because INFJs do not have the same level of energy, they’ll admire this.

They’ll also like the ability of ESTPs to take on several challenges without feeling the pinch.

4.    Independence

INFJs are fiercely independent. So, they’ll naturally want the same in their partners. Fortunately, this is one trait that both types share.

ESTPs are as independent as it gets. They run their show and resist any attempt to control them. This is especially evident with ESTP 8w7.

Their need for independence will signal to the INFJ that this is a possible partner or friend.

Strengths of the Relationship

1.   Best Chance for Growth

Because these two types are opposite, they provide the best opportunity for growth. ESTP can develop their extroverted feeling function. This will make them more empathetic towards others.

They will also be able to reduce the harshness in their tone. INFJs can learn how to use their extroverted sensing (Se) function. They will learn how to just enjoy the moment, rather than remain lost in their heads or imagination.

Both types will learn that something else exists outside their own little world.

2.   Semi-Shared Love Languages

ESTP and INFJ relationship might also see them share some love languages. Physical touch and words of affirmation are two love languages that might be favored by both types.

ESTPs usually have acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation in their top two languages. INFJs usually have quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation in their top two love languages.

Because they share some love languages, this makes it easier to give and receive love. 

3.   Straight forward Nature of the Relationship

ESTP and INFJ will enjoy a straightforward relationship. ESTPs live for their straightforward and blunt communication style. INFJs want someone who can be straight with them. This is the only way they feel the relationship can be well-defined.

Because of this, both types will communicate on a deeper and clearer level. Issues such as passive-aggressiveness, or lack of communication will not be a problem.

4.   No Struggle for the Spot Light

ESTPs love the spotlight. INFJs don’t. So, INFJs are more than happy to allow the ESTP to take center stage. In fact, it allows the INFJ to conserve some of their energy.

Because the ESTP is more than happy to take the heat for both of them, INFJs are less drained from social interactions.

The only problem might be direct conversations with the ESTP. That’s a different situation altogether.

5.   The Need to be Independent

Both types want to be independent. They have their own dreams to chase. So, they don’t need a partner that is overly needy or makes them the center of their existence.

Hence, an ESTP and INFJ relationship will be great for both parties. They can and will pursue their interests, knowing their partner will always be there.

Weaknesses of the Relationship

1.   Approach to Daily Life

This is the first problem that might arise. ESTPs are action-oriented people who can be loud and very extroverted. They can also be very scattered. INFJs have less energy and are introverted.

ESTPs will want the INFJs to be outgoing and action-oriented. INFJs will dig deep and stubbornly into their own ideals.

The ESTP will keep trying and get frustrated. The INFJ will withdraw. Both types will become disconnected.

2.   Structured vs Spontaneous

As earlier stated, ESTPs are scattered people. Organization is not something that comes naturally. INFJs are suckers for organization. They live a very structured life. ESTPs are spontaneous and work with bursts of energy.

Planning and scheduling their events simply doesn’t work for most ESTPs. The INFJ will complain about this. The ESTP will make promises they can’t keep. The INFJ will become disillusioned and start to withdraw. The ESTP might see their actions as silly or might not even notice.

Everything will fall apart.

3.   Thinking vs Feeling

ESTPs are thinkers. INFJs are feelers. Despite being more logical than most feelers, they are still feelers.

Some actions or words of the ESTP will be too harsh for the INFJ. This problem is more likely to rear its head when they are already in a relationship. Suddenly the bravado of the ESTP will be considered unnecessary and unattractive.

ESTPs will see the emotional and empathetic nature of the INFJ as childish and irrational. They will assert their right to be who they want to be. This will cause friction.

If not handled properly, this can be a deal-breaker.

4.   Idealist vs Realist

INFJs are idealists. They look at the world as what ought to be. This also translates to how they see their relationships.

They idealize relationships and want what they see in movies. Thus, they are disillusioned when they encounter a lot of problems. They simply cannot see how the ESTP is not bothered by this.

ESTPs are realists. They take life as it comes and are very practical. Thus, they see INFJ’s idealistic tendencies as naive and childish. The INFJ might feel insulted by this. ESTP will see this reaction as emotional. The rollercoaster begins.

5.   Conversation Styles

INFJs lead with intuition. Thus, they particularly enjoy talking about abstract concepts and possibilities. This is backed up by their dominant introverted intuition (Ni) function. ESTPs are more in the moment. They want to talk about concrete facts and what is happening right now.

They don’t do well with the big picture and want to make decisions based on the present reality. Thus, they might have nothing to talk about. ESTP and INFJ relationship will usually struggle in the area of conversation.

How to Make the Relationship Work

●     Communicate

Sometimes, all it takes is communicating better. Try stating the things you like to talk about. If there’s one thing that ESTPs love, it’s a challenge. Thus, they will try to make changes for their partners.

INFJs should also try to be more in the present. For a relationship to work, they must be compromises.

●     Accept Your Quirks

Sometimes, being with someone means accepting their quirks. This does not mean that they shouldn’t make personal progress. However, ESTPs should understand that the INFJ will never be logical.

INFJs, on the other hand, should understand that the ESTP will never be as organized. Just accepting some quirks will help you get along with each other.

●  Effort is Needed

Like in all relationships, effort is needed. ESTP and INFJ relationships take dedication and effort. You have to want this person or relationship.

When you do, things get a lot easier.


ESTP and INFJ relationships are a lot harder than most relationships. However, should it work, it provides the greatest opportunity for growth.

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