INFP and ESFJ Relationship- All or Nothing


INFP and ESFJ relationship is often touted as a great pairing. However, is this actually true?

What really can you expect from an INFP and ESFP relationship?

Why The INFP and ESFJ Might be Attracted to Each Other

Initial attraction can be present for many reasons.

Why the INFP Will Be Attracted to the ESFJ

1.    Their Ability to Listen

ESFJ are usually good listeners. INFPs have a lot to say. This usually happens only when they are comfortable.

Once the INFP feels comfortable, they’ll see the ESFJ as a good outlet for their worries and emotions. The ESFJ will be ready to hear everything they have to say.

This will make them more attracted to the ESFJ.

2.    The Presence of Fe

Just like the ENFJ, the ESFJ leads with extroverted feeling (Fe). This allows them to remain in touch with the emotions and feelings of those around them.

INFP leads with introverted feeling (Fi). Thus, seeing someone who is different can be refreshing to them. They’ll love seeing the power of the Fe up close for sure.

While this is an initial attraction, it can become one of the greatest weaknesses of the relationship.

3.    The Ability to Express Themselves

ESFJs are often super extroverts. So, expressing themselves is easy. The INFP is never in doubt as to how they feel or want.

If they are assertive, they’ll be able to take the lead in most situations. The INFP will feel they can always rely on them.

4.    The Feeler Effect

The INFP and ESFJ are both feelers. The INFP will be intrigued by the respect ESFJs have for their emotions.

This will make them feel loved and appreciated. It’s easy to see why this is attractive to the INFP.

Why the ESFJ Will Be Attracted to the INFP

1.    Their Passion For What They Love

ESFJs will be intrigued by the INFP’s passion. INFPs are known for following what they love and this will make them interesting to the ESFJ.

Because of their Fe, they’ll naturally want to know more.

2.    Their Warmth and Emotions

INFPs are the sweethearts of the MBTI. They are kind-hearted and sensitive. This usually translates to other qualities such as hospitality and generosity.

The ESFJ will love their emotional depth. Because ESFJs are more traditional, their hospitality and generosity might also appeal to them.

3.    Their Love For Abstract Concepts

INFP’s intuition is as good as any intuitive type. This means they love dwelling on abstract concepts. ESFJ usually struggles with these concepts.

So, to see another person grasp it easily and possibly add some emotional spice is mindblowing.

They’ll want to be around them to learn more about this incredible human.

4.    Their Creativity

The creativity of the INFP is never in doubt. The ESFJ will notice just how creative they are. If they are interested in music or writing, this becomes more evident.

While every type is creative, the ESFJ is more at home with practical and concrete ideas. So, the INFP creativity will be foreign to them.

This will sparkle some form of interest or attraction.

Summary of the Strengths and Weaknesses of the INFP and ESFJ Relationship

Strengths of the INFP and ESFJ RelationshipWeaknesses of the INFP and ESFJ Relationship
Shared love languagesStructured vs flexibility
Opportunities for growthOrganization or lack of
Shared interest in peopleSome differences in communication style
Good communicationIdealism vs Realism

Strengths of the Relationship

1.   Shared Love Languages

Love languages refer to the way a person prefers to give and receive love. Fortunately for the INFP and ESFJ, their love languages are similar.

According to thought catalog, both the ESFJ and INFP have quality time and words of affirmation in their top 3 love languages.

Thus, how they give and receive love won’t be a problem in their relationship. Both partners will feel loved and appreciated. That’s a big win if you ask me.

2.   Shared Interest in People

INFP and ESFJ are both interested in people. For the INFP, they want to help people grow and improve their lives. ESFJs are more interested in knowing how people tick and interacting with them deeply.

These shared interest in people means they will have the same career interests. It’s always a good thing to have a partner that truly understands your passion.

3.   Opportunities for Growth

While a lot of people rave about how compatible the INFP and ESFJ are, there still have a lot of differences.

While this might be intimidating, it also means there are opportunities to grow. The ESFJ can teach the INFP about organization and being more principled.

The INFP can teach the ESFJ to be more dynamic and open-minded. However, this is only possible when both types are ready to learn and improve. That is a different story altogether.

4.   Natural Roles in Public

There will no competition in public between them. ESFJ is more of a talker. They are energized by going out and talking to people.

INFPs are super introverts. Interacting for long periods can leave them strained. When this couple is with others, the ESFJ takes center stage. This allows the INFP to save most of their energy.

The INFP is happy to sit back and enjoy their alone time. It’s a great trade-off with little chance of conflict.

5.   Communication is Great on Some Level

On some level, communication is great in this relationship. While ESFJs are extroverted, their Fe means they are willing to listen. While INFPs are introverted, their Ne means they can hold their end in a conversation.

It’s the perfect combo. None of them will feel like they always have to listen or keep the conversation going. Both types will happily contribute.

6.   Shared Cognitive Functions

The ESFJ and INFP both have introverted sensing (Si) and extroverted intuition (Ne) in their arsenal. This helps as they can relate on a deeper level.

While this is true, these functions are in different positions. For example, Ne is the tertiary function for ESFJs while it is the auxiliary function for the INFP.

So, the benefit it brings is limited.

Weaknesses of the Relationship

1.   Organization

The problems in the INFP and ESFJ relationship start with organization. ESFJ uses the judging function. So, they tend to be more organized. This translates to a neater home and wardrobe.

INFP uses the perceiving function. Thus, they are more spontaneous and scattered. This can be a problem.

The ESFJ will expect the INFP to be organized. The INFP will fail at this. The ESFJ will feel the INFP is scattered and untidy. The INFP will see the ESFJ as overbearing.

That is the first sign of doom.

2.   Flexibility vs Structured

This follows the last point. ESFJs are also very structured. This means they like to work with a schedule or a well-mapped-out plan.

They need a good idea of how their day will go. They don’t do very well with surprises and spontaneous activities. INFPs are more flexible. They see structures as overbearing.

So, the ESFJ will want to plan their day. Understandably, the INFP is part of their day. INFPs will see that as too restrictive for them. The ESFJ will feel irritated and frustrated. The INFP will feel they have done nothing wrong.

Things can easily off the rail.

3.   Differences in Communication Style

While communication is great on some levels, it sucks on other levels. INFPs lead with intuition. Naturally, they enjoy discussions about abstract concepts and ideas. They are curious and want to explore those ideas.

If they are in a relationship with the ESFJ, sharing these things with them comes naturally. ESFJs, on the other hand, are more practical. They want to talk about concrete ideas and are pragmatic.

Their differences in communication styles also extend to how they see the world. INFPs are idealistic. They want the world to be perfect and idea. ESFJs are more logical and realistic.

So, while they might have shared interests in people, their way of helping is different.

That can be a challenge.

4.   Traditional vs Unconventional

ESFJs are sensors. So, they like to stick to trusted methods. Because their auxiliary function is Si, they look to previous experiences when faced with problems.

INFPs prefer to think of new ideas. They are always up for an adventure and are not afraid to test the waters.

As you can see, there’s a big clash there. ESFJ will want to make a decision based on their experience and methods. INFP will want to try out new ideas. The ESFJ will see them as risky and reckless. The INFP will see the ESFJ as rigid and afraid.

Things can go south quickly. This particular problem is evident in marriages.

5.   Different Approaches to Solving Problems

Both types have different ways of solving problems. ESFJ is more pragmatic. They want to work with concrete evidence.

INFPs are more idealistic. They seek less practical ways to help others. Both parties might have different ideas on how their relationship can improve. That can be a sticking point.

6.   Fe vs Fi

While this might be an initial attraction, it becomes a problem later on. Because the INFP uses Fi, they are more concerned with how their decision or actions affect them. They put themselves first when it comes to their emotions and values.

Because the ESFJ uses Fe, they put the comfort of the group first before themselves. They are more likely to make compromises if a decision benefits the group.

When there’s a clash, the ESFJ will see the INFP as selfish and even greedy. The INFP might see the ESFJ as a pushover or a people-pleaser.

Finding a middle ground can be difficult.

How To Make the INFP and ESFJ Relationship Work

Make Compromises

Making minor compromises can go a long way. So, try to make them. It might seem weird or difficult initially. But, it gets better.

This does not mean you should abandon your main values. Just try to accommodate your partner where you can.

Read More About Your Partner’s Type

A lot of problems can be avoided when you understand your partner’s personality type. So, learn more about it. You should also learn about the enneagram.

Knowing what to expect in a relationship will make things easier.

See it as an Opportunity to Learn

Just like other combinations, you will have differences. However, how you approach them will determine if you emerge successfully.

See it as an opportunity to learn and be better.

Accept Your Partner For Who They Are

Finally, accept your partner for who they are. Don’t try to change them or fix them. They are not you and will never be you.

If you feel you cannot accept them, then the relationship won’t work. Accepting their quirks and flaws is the first step in the right direction.

The INFP and ESFJ relationship has a great chance of succeeding with enough effort. It’s all or nothing.

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    • Hello Ashley,

      I agree there will be some clashes. As you probably saw, it says good communication on some level. That addresses the Ne and Fe understanding. That point doesn’t address Fe/Fi clashes. I hope it’s clearer now


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