Have you ever encountered the narcissist’s silent treatment and wondered, “What is going on?”
Narcissists typically use the silent treatment to punish or manipulate their victims, especially when their ego is bruised. The victims feel confused, frustrated, and annoyed when narcissists create that distance. However, the narcissist is basking in the chaos and relishing the psychological wounds.
This article will explore how the silent treatment is a core narcissistic manipulation tactic.
What is the Narcissist Silent Treatment?
When a narcissist gives silent treatment, they either stop talking to you or refuse to engage in any form of communication. They may also ignore attempts at communication or physical contact.
Narcissists often use silent treatment as a form of punishment or to avoid confrontation. It’s a manipulation tactic that can negatively affect the receiver’s mental and emotional health. They also use it to assert their dominance over others.
What Lies Behind the Narcissist Silent Treatment?
1. Control Dynamics
They desire to control situations as much as possible because they have a big ego, and they do so with the silent treatment. By ceasing communication, they position themselves as the more important person in the friendship.
Silent treatment allows the victim’s need for attention to become a source of power for the narcissist.
2. Emotional Manipulation
Silent treatment is emotional manipulation at its best. The narcissist is happy when the recipient is bothered and tries to win back their attention. The receiver’s confusion and anxiety fuel the narcissist’s ego.
3. Punishment
The narcissist’s silent treatment is more than just a break in communication. It’s an intentional act of emotional withdrawal. This act hurts receivers who genuinely care about the narcissist– a fact narcissists are well aware of.
The goal may be to get back control, but it’s also a way for narcissists to make people feel bad for upsetting them.
4. Avoiding Accountability
Silent treatment, sometimes, is a well-calculated strategy for narcissists to protect themselves from any form of accountability.
Instead of having a rational conversation about what they did or said, they often deny any wrongdoing. They may also use silence to avoid confrontation and create confusion.
Top 5 Signs of the Narcissist Silent Treatment
Every narcissist uses the silent treatment, but not every silent treatment is narcissistic. Sometimes, a healthy communication break could be necessary to cool off emotions, but a narcissistic silent treatment is manipulative and intended to control or punish the recipient.
How do you know if a silent treatment is narcissistic? Here are five sure signs to look out for:
1. Suddenly Ceasing Communication
They’ve been around for a while, and then they’re gone out of nowhere. No text messages, no phone calls, nothing. You might have even tried to initiate conversation but received a cold shoulder.
They don’t respond when you speak to them. It’s almost like you’ve been talking to a wall—no response. If this is the case, you’re likely to be dealing with a narcissistic silent treatment.
2. Ghosting
When narcissists give silent treatment, the recipient suddenly becomes invisible to them. They speak to others but not to the recipient. They don’t try to communicate their reason for being upset. Instead, they just pretend the recipient doesn’t exist.
3. Long Periods of Silence
Normal communication breaks are usually brief, and most of the time, the people involved understand the reason for the break. But narcissist silent treatment is unnecessarily longer. The recipient feels like they are walking on eggshells, not feeling safe around the narcissist.
4. They Show no Emotional Response
Somehow, narcissists can withdraw their emotions and show no empathy towards the recipient. They act like they don’t care until they are satisfied.
5. Repetition
The silent treatment becomes a recurring pattern in the friendship rather than an occasional response to conflicts.
If the silent treatment happens frequently, it’s a sign that they are trying to control you–as narcissists typically do.
How to Handle the Narcissist Silent Treatment
You need to know how to respond to frequent silent treatment if you’re close to a narcissist. You don’t want to feed into their narcissist supply by giving them the reaction they want.
The following rules will equip you to deal with a narcissist’s silent treatment.
Rule 1: Remain Calm
First of all, stay calm. Resist the urge to react impulsively to the silent treatment. Narcissists use the silent treatment to force you to respond in a way that shows they can control your feelings. When you stay calm and collected, you don’t give them the power they seek.
Rule 2: Don’t Chase Them
Don’t try to get their attention during the silent treatment. This act will only reinforce their controlling power. Instead, give them space and focus on yourself. They will come around when they see you’re not affected.
Rule 3: Stay Positive
When receiving silent treatment from a narcissist, don’t blame yourself. Remember, their behavior doesn’t reflect who you are or what you did. They just have insecurities and are power-hungry. Don’t let it affect your self-esteem. Avoid self-doubt and stay positive.
Rule 4: Express Your Feelings
Express your feelings when the narcissist is ready to talk. Tell them that you don’t accept silent treatment. Share how it hurts you and what you need from them. Generally, you should communicate what you will or will not accept in friendships.
Rule 5: Take Care of Yourself
Prioritize your mental and emotional health by taking care of yourself regularly. You can do this by sleeping, exercising, meditating, shopping, or spending quality time with your family and friends.
Taking care of yourself builds your self-esteem, and you’d need that in check to deal with narcissists.
Rule 6: Invest in Your Emotional Well-being
Narcissists are emotionally exhausting, so protect yourself by staying away from them. Don’t share personal information or get caught up in their chaos if possible. This act will reduce their impact on your emotional and mental health.
Rule 7: Evaluate the Friendship
Does the friendship make you feel good, or does the silent treatment drama happen often? Only be in a friendship that brings happiness. If they don’t change or at least try to change, move on and surround yourself with people who value you.
Rule 8: Seek Professional Help
A professional therapist or counselor can help you understand the situation better and make the best-informed decision. Professional counseling will also help you develop effective coping techniques and not react in a way that will hurt you more.
To sum up, the best thing you can do about silent treatment is to practice self-care and seek professional help. You may also end the toxic friendship. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.
How to Stop Giving the Narcissist Silent Treatment
Do you punish your loved ones by ignoring them till they feel bad?
By following these simple steps, you will stop using silent treatment as a tool and become a better friend to those around you.
1. Acknowledge Your Behavior
The first step is self-awareness. Take a few moments to think about how your silence affects others. The silent treatment can lead to feelings of guilt and rejection. You can start working towards a positive change when you acknowledge the pain you cause.
2. Identify Triggers
Identify the silent treatment triggers- it could be frustration, confusion, or fear of perceived weakness. Knowing what causes the silent treatment lets you focus on the underlying issues instead of resorting to a negative communication approach.
3. Be Intentional
Choosing the right time for a conversation can make all the difference. Choose a time when you and your friend are both at ease.
Avoid discussing sensitive issues during heated conversations, as this can increase tension and prevent effective communication.
4. Become Self-Aware
Take the time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings regularly. This act will help you become aware of when you may be tempted to give the silent treatment. Then, you can make a conscious effort to communicate your feelings.
5. Find an Accountability Partner
Encourage your friends to share how they feel about your behavior. Listen to and respect their opinions. Let them know you are trying to be a better person and ask if they’d like to be your accountability partner. Accountability partners give feedback on your progress level.
6. Learn Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Put yourself in their place and try to see things from other people’s point of view.
If you have used the silent treatment before, apologize and show you are committed to making amends.
7. Learn Healthy Communication Skills
Invest time and resources to learn how to communicate effectively, and practice what you learn. Be open and honest about your thoughts without being defensive.
Reduce the use of “I” statements and make attempts at communicating your feelings or needs more empathetically.
8. Be Patient with Yourself
Recovering from a personality disorder, especially narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), is usually a slow process. Be patient and forgiving with yourself as you work to break the habit.
9. Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help is the best way to heal from narcissistic personality disorder. Therapy or counseling can help you understand why you are using the silent treatment and how you can change.
A professional can also give you the moral support you need to be persistent.
So, it’s time to move on with healthier friendships and say goodbye to silent treatment drama. Focus on quality relationships based on genuine love and respect.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) on Narcissist Silent Treatment
How Long Does a Narcissist’s Silent Treatment Last?
Narcissists’ silent treatment can last anywhere from a couple of hours to several days, weeks, and even months. It takes as long as they need to achieve their goal.
Is it Possible for a Narcissist to Return After a Long Silent Treatment?
The answer is a resounding yes. There is no absolute time limit that will prevent the narcissist from returning to you.
Are All Silent Treatments Indicators of Narcissism?
No, not all silent treatments indicate narcissism. It’s normal for people to want some time alone sometimes. Consider the overall behavior to help you to identify narcissists.
