The Unhealthy ENFJ- Understanding the ENFJ Dark Side

Unhealthy ENFJ

ENFJs are the leaders or protagonists of their world. They care about others and are invested in human interactions. Unhealthy ENFJs are different.

This article discusses the unhealthy ENFJ and what you can expect from them.

Who is the Unhealthy ENFJ?

An unhealthy ENFJ is an ENFJ who’s on the spectrum of toxicity. This ENFJ will show traits that are different or extreme. Most times, they might have no idea of how much they’ve changed.

Many things can cause an unhealthy ENFJ. Usually, the reasons for the change are emotionally driven. Some of these reasons are heartbreak, grieving, stress, and pressure.

An unhealthy ENFJ can be very dangerous. They’ll deal damage to themselves and others. If you’re an ENFJ, knowing when you seem to be drifting is crucial.

It’s important to note that a singular sign of unhealthiness might not mean they are unhealthy. Other factors that should be considered are the duration and frequency of unhealthy behaviors.

Signs of an Unhealthy ENFJ

1.   Manipulative

ENFJs use extroverted feeling as their primary function. This allows them to sense people’s emotions, tones, and moods. When healthy, this function is used to unify people, which is good.

When unhealthy, things get ugly. Unhealthy ENFJs can easily become manipulative. They use their Fe to trick people into doing what they want.

Their romantic relationship takes the worst hit.

2.   Nagging

ENFJs usually care about others. This is more evident in ENFJ 2w3 and 2w1. Because they also use Ne, they are not afraid to express this care.

When unhealthy, their care can easily turn to nagging. Unhealthy ENFJs do not know where to draw the line.

They nag until it’s almost like they’re nitpicking. This might make others withdraw from them.

3.   The End Justifies the Means

With unhealthiness comes the feeling of being right. ENFJs are natural leaders. When unhealthy, they stop caring about people’s emotions and start feeling superior.

Now, they won’t be outwardly cold. They’ll fake it and hide their true intentions. To them, doing what they think is right justifies whatever needs to be done.

If faking their emotions, manipulating others, or lying is what it takes, so be it.

4.   Withdrawn

ENFJs are expressive people. When unhealthy, things change really quickly. They become more withdrawn and introverted.

This is usually the case when the reason for their unhealthiness is pressure, stress, or isolation.

5.   Extremely Idealistic

Intuitive feelers are an idealistic bunch. This means they believe things should be as they ought to be. When unhealthy, it gets worse.

They find it harder to come up with the realities of life and might feel unfairly treated. This is especially worse with ENFJ 4w5 and 4w3s.

Their idealistic tendencies can lead to a loss of self-confidence.

6.   Messianic Issues

As stated earlier, ENFJs are natural leaders. While true, they’re not too big on it when healthy.

When unhealthy, ENFJs are fixated on their status. They begin to think they’re the messiah meant to save others.

This becomes a problem when they impose this perceived status on others. It doesn’t end well, to put it lightly.

7.   Desperate for External Validation

Unhealthy ENFJs want to be praised for their actions. While the need for affirmation is present in normal ENFJs, it takes an unpleasant turn.

They become fixated on it and might even try to fish out compliments. If it does not come, they might get defensive, manipulative, or depressed.

8.   Tyrants

It’s easy to see why they can easily become tyrants. They can lead, manipulate and persuade others to follow them.

When unhealthy, things can get nasty if they are in a position of power.

How to Get Out of the ENFJ Dark Side

1.   Self-Awareness

The first thing to do is to be more self-aware. This means knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It also means self-improvement.

Knowing more about yourself can help you build yourself around your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.

2.   Identifying Triggers

This follows the last point. Once you’re more self-aware, you’ll see what triggers your unhealthiness.

By spotting these things early, you can deal with anything.

3.   See a Therapist

If you feel like you’re drowning, you should seek professional help. A mental health expert or therapist is the best way to go.

Getting help as soon as possible is the best policy.

4.   Accountability/Consistency

It’s possible to get unhealthy for long periods despite your best efforts. The key is not to give up. Discipline, accountability and consistency will help you get better over time.

Commonly Asked Questions About the Unhealthy ENFJ

What makes an ENFJ Insecure?

ENFJs feel insecure when they are stuck in two difficult situations. This means they have to make a tough decision, which hurts one party.

Are ENFJs Prone to Anxiety?

Yes, ENFJs are prone to anxiety. This is because they lead with Fe. So they can sense people’s tension, anxiety, and emotions.

So, they are always in a state of unification. Absorbing all that energy and trying to help others see reason can take a toll on them.

What Happens When ENFJs Get Mad?

ENFJs might not react outwardly when angry. Their anger might be expressed calmly to their loved ones. However, things change when they are overwhelmed. They might be agitated and even raise their voices.

This is especially true if they are enneagram 2.


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